Fr.Joe Fernandez sdb

Relational Spirituality

Relationships are one of the indications of the maturity of an individual: perhaps, indeed, the main parameter reflecting each one’s quality and indications. Their quality, the way they are set up and managed, manifest how far love, the first energy and first commandment, has progressed in us and to what extent we have been able to evince it.

Relationship and Human Maturity

Human Maturity : measured in terms of the ability to relate , to be friendly, sociable, loving, to be warm and polite in dealings, to be calm when others are tense…

Maturity and Interdependence ( Maturity Continuum)

                                                Interdependence – the law of life! The awareness that we need others; the firm belief that we are interdependent; the conviction that other can contribute, have bright ideas , are creative; I can learn from others…

Interdependence produces synergy.

GREATNESS   : Primary and Secondary

What we ARE communicates far more eloquently than anything we SAY or DO. We know it. There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character. Whether they’re eloquent or not, whether they have the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and we work successfully with them.


William George Jordan: “Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil – the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.”


People with primary greatness have a sense of stewardship about everything in life, including their time, talents, money, possessions, relationships, family, and even their bodies. They recognize the need to use all their resources for positive purposes, and they expect to be held accountable.

People with primary greatness return kindness for offense, patience for impatience. They bring out the best in those around them by seeking to bless when being cursed, to turn the other cheek, to go the second mile, to forgive and forget, to move in life with cheerfulness, believing in the potential goodness of people and the eventual triumph of truth.


As we give grace to others, we receive more grace ourselves. As we affirm people and show a fundamental belief in their capacity to grow and improve, as we bless them even when they are cursing or judging us – we build primary greatness into our personality and character.






Integrity is the value we place on ourselves. As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize and execute around our priorities on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and self-value by making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments. If we can’t make and keep commitments to ourselves as well as to others, our commitments become meaningless. We know it, and others know it. They sense our duplicity and become guarded.




Maturity is defined as the balance between courage and consideration. If he lacks internal maturity and emotional strength, he might try to borrow strength from his position, power, credentials, seniority, or affiliations.

While courage may focus on getting bottom-line results, consideration deals more with the long-term welfare of other stake holders. In fact, the basic mission of mature management is to increase the standard of living and the quality of life for all stake holders.



Our thinking is that there is plenty out there for everybody. This abundance mentality flows out of a deep sense of personal worth and security. It results in sharing recognition, profits and responsibility.



Secondary greatness refers to what a person does or have, to his/her external qualities or qualifications, skills etc. It refers to his/her position, social status, fame, talents, wealth,..

Only basic goodness gives life to technique.

To focus on personality before character is to try to grow the leaves without the roots. We need a character base. We simply can’t have the fruits without the roots.


You may make favourable first impressions through charm; you may win through intimidation. But secondary personality traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships. If there isn’t deep integrity and fundamental character strength, true motives will eventually surface and human relationships will fail.


If you want to influence and empower people, first recognize that they are resourceful and have vast untapped capability and potential. Understand their purpose, point of view, language, concerns. Be loyal. Don’t do other things that undermine the emotional ties. When you empower people, you increase your span of control, reduce overhead, and get rid of unnecessary bureaucracy


Most people are deeply scripted in the scarcity mentality. They see life as a finite pie: if someone gets a big piece of the pie, it means less for everybody else. It’s the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a scarcity mentality have a hard time sharing recognition, credit, power or profit. They also have a tough time being genuinely happy for the success of other people – even, and sometimes especially, members of their own family or close friends and associates. It’s almost as if something were taken away from them when someone else receives special recognition or success.





                                                             MATURITY              The balance between

                                                                                               Courage and consideration






                     INTEGRITY                                               ABUNDANCE MENTALIYTY



     The value we place                                                                       Finding strength in                 on ourselves                                                                                     differences



             “Only basic goodness gives life to technique.”